“The mind that holds the problem holds the solution, probably the best one” (Nancy Kline)

I recently attended a webinar exploring coaching, reflective practice and supervision, all of which is part of my day to day work which I love.  This quote referred to by Danielle Barbereau, a divorce coach and author of After the Split, originally from Nancy Kline who pioneered the development of the Thinking Environment really got me thinking about mediation.


I believe in clients finding their own solutions. I believe that, despite the very real, often awful emotions which arise on divorce or separation, clients are capable of finding a way forward and ultimately contemplating the unthinkable.  That is why I am so passionate about mediation. As a neutral mediator I provide a supportive, safe space to talk confidentially, to express your emotions, to feel and be heard and to want to find a solution so that you are not stuck in an unhealthy space.


I will not give you the answers or tell you what to do but I will give you the tools to find your own answers.  I will also signpost where you may need additional support or assistance such as legal advice to help you understand the legal parameters within which you may find yourself or a counsellor or coach to help you unlock any emotions which may be holding you back.


Ultimately, if two committed people who once shared a bond together and continue to remain connected where there are children of the family, both share a desire to find a solution and to work through their difficulties to find a way forward without further emotional cost, it is possible.


This quote just highlights my continued belief in the process. Parents are the best people to find the right outcome or plan for their children. You know those beautifully unique children better than anyone. You are the best person to decide your own financial future.  You know what your hopes, vision for the future might look like and what might work for your particular circumstances, whether that be work shift patterns or your support network for example.  Our family circumstances are all unique and different.  Reflecting on that and working to find your own bespoke solution leads to less long term stress and conflict and clear boundaries for the future which enables people to gently and at the right pace let go of pain and find a way forward.  An outcome which is forced upon you or led by someone else, with the best intentions, who will not be living with that outcome and whose involvement will end at the end of a process, is not the best solution.


As always, mediation is not suitable for everyone and I will help you understand the process and the other options available to best help you find your own solution but I hope this is good food for thought for you if you are contemplating how to move forward right now.


Leave a comment